Thoughts & recommended reads…

The Art of Being Yourself

“The art of being yourself.”

I have never been myself

cause who the eff am i ?

also i spent like 15 years catering to every parent, teacher, casting director, martial art instructor, friend, love interest, and classmate who breathed in my direction

so much for identity crisis

i have like a million different sides and i think i only explored three.

at a certain point i was just tired hearing the cliche

however it must be a cliche because its true right?

every obstacle, loss, breakup, missed opportunity and more has allowed me to leave a bit of myself behind and discover a bit more of myself

as i grow older, it seems that being yourself has less to do with knowing exactly who you are at every single moment and instead : it is acting on one’s impulse. its honoring one’s personal commitments and values above the perceived rejection of others. its taking personal responsibility for managing your own internal state

in this marvelous Ted Talk (that i am sure has at least shown up ONCE in your recommended page) Caroline Hugh talks about a state of “interiority”.

interiority, firstly, is completely uncomportative. superiority and inferiority requires the presence of other people, and comparison. interiority is understanding that you have no competition. you are the only YOU.

interiority also is perception. Hugh also talks about the “you” that can come from the fear of other people.

how are other people looking at me?

we often take the perceived perceptions that other people have of us as ourselves.

but it is so important to understand that other people aren’t looking at you. because they are too busy worrying about themselves. instead of asking “what do other people think of us” ask, “who do we want to be?”

today i wrote down some of my desired traits. i want to be direct. i want to be self assured. i want to explore my artsy, and be smart, hardworking and business-minded.

who i think of myself and who i want to be is all that really matters

the art of being yourself is remembering that no matter what anyone else thinks of you, even yourself, that what you deserve never changes

if my thoughts here were helpful, i highly recommend checking out this video! 30 minutes of listening for a lifetime of a different perspective.

boyz in the hood last night

yes, i am only just seeing this film on August, 09, 2021, after i am a whole 19 years of age.

its sad. BUT ANY WAY

after this cinematic masterpiece has been out for 30 years, there are only a few things left for me to say

boyz in the hood is truly a simple, coming of age story. i really enjoyed how it was able to have true moments of emotional impact, that still resonate thirty years later. i mean the extremely complicated parental love triangle between Tre, his mother Reva, and his father “Furious” styles is the heartbeat of this film as they struggle to ensure his future. they underline and emphasize the importance of family

this theme is echoed in Ricky and Doughboy’s tragic story, where Doughboy has no true support system in his mother, while Ricky has everything and it seems to work. however, because of the nature of growing up in the hood, one’s future is not guaranteed. furthermore, Doughboy must take a stance for his family which gets him killed as well.

i was truly haunted by Doughboy’s line about conditions in the inner city:

“Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s goin’ on in the ‘hood. They had all this foreign shit. They didn’t have shit on my brother, man. I ain’t got no brother. Got no mother neither. She loved that fool more than she loved me. I don’t even know how I feel about it neither, man. Shit just goes on and on, you know. Next thing you know somebody might try to smoke me. Don’t matter, though. We all gotta go sometime.”

I haven’t heard a more concise, poetic dialogue, especially in relation to America’s poorest and most oppressed in cinematic history ever.

this movie should be regarded as a classic.